GOODBYE, CAPTAIN SPAULDING

September 23, 2019 E.C.McMullen Jr.

Saw the bad news on Facebook. I didn't want to see it. I busied myself then went to Rob Zombie's Facebook.

No Social Media rumor, it's true. Sid Haig is dead.

I remember him in a crappy 1970s TV series in my youth, Jason of Star Command. We came for Star Trek's James Doohan and stayed for Sid Haig.

Great Cthulhu did that show suck. It sucked so much that we wanted the bad guy to win, so my friends and I cheered for Dragos (Sid Haig).

We entertained each other with on the fly impromptu episodes where the perennially defeated Dragos went full unchained and pushed Jason's face right into the sand.

Then stomped on his head.

Decades later, a much older Sid Haig (Oh yeah! That Dragos guy!) blew up musician Rob Zombie's troubled, passed-about first feature, HOUSE OF 1,000 CORPSES.

Rob wanted to make a cheap grindhouse-style movie as brutal as the 1960 thru 80s indies he remembered. To do this, he hired two actors launched from that era: Sid Haig (SPIDER BABY) and Bill Mosely (THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE 2). Neither disappointed but Sid Haig in particular, as the family friendly TV clown hawking fried chicken, stole the show.

The first time I saw it in theaters, I was coming off a 28 hour bender of no sleep. Friends brought me but I could barely stay awake. Yet I couldn't sleep when Captain Spaulding was on, veering from innocuous jokester to unmerciful murderer.

Rob's picture was finished in 2000, but wasn't released until 2003. In the hang time, Sid did the traveling convention circuit and pushed HOUSE OF 1,000 CORPSES for all he was worth. Year after year, thanks in significant part to Sid, Horror fans were chomping at the bit to see that damn movie!

Living in California at the time, I did my best to attend as many Horror conventions and film festivals as possible. I got to be acquainted with many of the Horror B-Movie actors that Bruce Campbell so fondly ranks himself among.

I'm don't recall who introduced me to Sid, but we wound up being Convention Acquaintances and I hit his booth whenever we met. I bought the Spaulding shirt, his Spider Baby blend coffee (Coffee Shop of Horrors), stuff like that.

After so many and so many years, all of those conventions kinda blur together so my memory of events may be a mix, but after awhile, Sid remembered my name and would greet, "Hey Feo!" whenever I passed his booth at Fangoria's Weekend of Horrors or maybe Monsterpalooza or wherever.

However, Sid often had a crowd of young Rob Zombie and Bill Mosely fans who were rapidly expanding their reach by turning into Sid Haig fans as well. Never wanting to interrupt the man at work, I always bided time until the mob trickled down to the inevitable few stragglers (before the whole shooting match erupted again).

One year my heart wasn't into going to the San Diego Comic Con. I was going through a rough patch but I went anyway because I thought it might cheer me up.

"Hey Feo!"

People mulling over what Sid was selling at his booth, but he motioned me over.

He'd heard what I was going through. Which was weird as hell because I'd only shared it with a few close friends and, to my knowledge, none of them were friends with Sid. How the hell did he know?

Before I asked, Sid told me, "Look. This *X*. Don't take it so hard. It's nothing."

Then he gave me some advice, which erased a few misconceptions I'd had that were standing in my way.

Maybe some would have found his advice or perspective a little harsh, but it all made sense and I took it to heart. Hours after digesting it all, I was feeling pretty good and enjoyed my time there.

If memory serves, I don't believe I saw him for the rest of that year. A year later, in 2003, having successfully lived with applying his advice (or learning to, anyway), I wanted to thank him.

He was up at the Sail Pavilion of the San Diego Comic Con. I was volunteering for the Con that year and my miniscule free time was at a premium. As usual, his booth was packed.

Throughout the morning and into midday, I was working and passed by his booth often, but he was always busy or just wasn't there (possibly at a panel).

At some point I finally got my break and was just wandering.

"Hey Feo!"

There was Sid across the pavilion at his booth. He motioned me over.

"How's it going?"

"Much better since the last time. Thanks a lot."

His gruff voice. "Ah. You woulda figured it out."

What I said next wasn't unusual at a convention. These folks pay a lot for their booths and need to recoup their losses and make a little extra cash.

"Do you have any coffee?"

"No coffee this year."

"Too bad, it's actually good."

He made a face. "Actually good." he repeated.

Okay, so maybe that wasn't the best compliment. Anyway...

No coffee. I already had a Captain Spaulding shirt. I wanted to buy something to show him my appreciation.

I pulled out my little digital.

"How much to take a picture with you?"

"Ahh!" he barked, took my camera from me, offered it to a woman standing there, said, "Big Smile!"

Click.

"One more!"

Click.

I saw him many times after that: various conventions, appearances, the like.

"Hey Feo! Take a picture of me with the poster!"
Sid was so damn proud of this movie.

In 2004 I was offered the opportunity to be on the set of THE DEVIL'S REJECTS and got to meet Rob and the cast and crew during setup downtime.

It was late at night in the California desert and I remember Sid shivering, haunting the portable heaters as he held his shirt open to catch the direct blast of warmth.

About 500 yards away, an Eli Roth production, 2001 MANIACS with Robert Englund, was being shot.

Screams of the "victims" wafted over whenever the breeze shifted.

In 2012 a Family emergency gave my wife and I a hard choice and I left California. I don't believe I ever spoke to him again.

I'll never forget his unexpected, out of the blue kindness.

To this day I still wonder, How the Hell did he Know?

END

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