KRONOS
MOVIE REVIEW

		Review by E.C.McMullen Jr.
KRONOS - 1957 USA release: April, 1957 Regal Films, 20th Century Fox Rate: USA: NR

After I was bombarded with the most sturm und drang serious orchestra music beneath the opening credits that I've ever heard in a Science Fiction movie (and that's some heavy competition once you remove the Theremin and other electronica ones out of the way), I was treated to the hand drawn animation of a glowing ... well not so much a saucer as maybe a scoop of ice cream spaceship, flying through space.

On earth, it all It all begins with a happy guy we will come to know as McCrary (Kenneth Alton: ABBOTT AND COSTELLO MEET THE MUMMY) driving his pick-up truck at night through the desert (a 1956 Ford F-150 I'd wager!). His radio plays, he's got his cigarette, and is whistling with the music, happy as a clam.

Then we see a glowing whatsit flying through the sky, this way and that. That's probably what's interfering with McCrary's radio. His truck shuts off, his meters go kookoo, and he rolls to a stop. Dang ol' Pick-up!

As he checks his engine, a shy little globe of light comes slipping through the desert toward him. He sees the light, goes to investigate, and Merry Mishaps occur.

Suddenly McCrary isn't his old happy, tune whistling, fag smoking self. Now he's all serious and driven. In fact, he drives all the way to a closely guarded government facility, the guard who stops him gets too close, and whack. Soon McCrary is in the building and enters the office of Dr. Hubble Eliot (John Emery: EYES IN THE NIGHT, SPELLBOUND, ROCKETSHIP X-M, THE MAD MAGICIAN). McCrary gives Dr. Eliot the same light flash the little ball gave him, then drops down dead. Eliot goes through his moment of disorientation before he gets serious. First order of business when security comes running is a terse, "Take him out of here!"

By the reaction of the staff, that's unusual behavior from Dr. Eliot.

So yeah, we get it. Whatever passed from the shy ball of light to the truck driver is now controlling Dr. Eliot. But now what and why this place?

As McCrary's body is carried down the hall, a worker bee we'll come to know as Dr. Arnold Culver (George O'Hanlon: was also a successful comedy Writer and starred in many of the comedies he wrote. His voice is his biggest claim to fame as George Jetson) passes by, sees the men carrying the corpse out, gives it a 'Huh. There goes another one.' kind of look, and enters a computer room with a shit ton of reels of magnetic tape. The computer prints him a receipt which pleases him and he says, "Atta girl, Susie. I knew you'd come through."

S.U.S.I.E. is actually a cloy acronym.

Dr. Culver walks down the hall to the office of Dr. Leslie Gaskell (Jeff Morrow: THIS ISLAND EARTH, THE CREATURE WALKS AMONG US, THE GIANT CLAW, LEGACY OF BLOOD, OCTAMAN). "Susie" calibrated the specific place in space of a new asteroid given the placeholder designation of M47. They look at a board, attached to a distant telescope, which shows them the ice cream (or maybe custard like flan?) spaceship we saw. Back in his office, Dr. Eliot looks frightened, gets a glow, and back in Dr. Gaskell's office, the "asteroid" starts moving about.

"Great Scott!"

The playful banter of Arnie and Leslie, mixed with their science-y jargon, moves the story forward but its not entertaining. They get photos of the "asteroid" as it maneuvers all over the sky, go to the developing lab, and here's where we meet our soon to be distressed damsel, Vera Hunter (Barbara Lawrence).

What we're really waiting for is what the poster and movie trailer promised, and that's the oddball box monster out to tear humanity a new one.

Doctors Arnie and Leslie talk numbers and jargon, Dr. Eliot scowls, and Vera wisecracks.

About Vera's wisecracks - Back in the early days when Fay Wray wisecracked her way to success through DOCTOR X, THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME, THE VAMPIRE BAT, MYSTERY OF THE WAX MUSEUM, KING KONG, BLACK MOON, and THE CLAIRVOYANT, she could speak any writer's dialogue with verve and a confident sass. She didn't demand equal rights. She took them and dared any man to try and take them back. We're talking the 1930s and in movie after movie - and she made way more than just those in our favorite genres - Fay Wray's characters, exuding both beauty and intelligence, was considered the most desirable character in every flick she starred in throughout the 1930s.

The 1930s!

Only a giant freaking gorilla, ten times as big as a man, could subdue her. But even it couldn't because Kong was attracted to her as well! In the 1930s with a nation still suffering from the Great Depression, a confident, intelligent, strong woman with a Can-Do attitude was more desirable than a needy flapper, "moll", or "Pregnant and Barefoot" moron in the kitchen (those were only favored by weak losers in the first place).

Now for the character of Vera in 1957. She whines the entire time as if she's being clever. She does this even when the problem is staring her right in the face. She's oblivious to the danger, caring only if Dr. Gaskell thinks she's pretty. This is who she is all the time while the menfolk do serious work.

AUGH!

Okay, back to the story in progress. We're still waiting for the promised WTF to make its appearance.

Meanwhile...

Ice cream, custard, it just looks like some kind of dessert to me.

The asteroid is obviously no paper plate and ceiling lamp creamy dessert, but some kind of spaceship.

So they hit it with three atomic bombs that look suspiciously like WWII V2 Rockets (ICBMs wouldn't exist for another 2 years. Not that V2s could fly into space).

Doesn't do a damn thing, of course, and the asteroid, as it were, continues on its merry toward striking the U.S.A. because, of course it would be us!

However, the excitement or whatever is too much for Dr. Eliot/Alien and he passes out.

Radio and television news folk, heeding the advice of the New York City Mayor and the Police Commissioner,

"Urge all people to stay where they are and not, I repeat, not give way to unfounded rumors."

After all, the chances of the asteroid hitting New York are remote.

Within seconds the asteroid spaceship heads straight for New York City before plunging into the Pacific Ocean off the coast of Mexico.

Da Fuk?!?

"Turn that thing off!" Dr. Gaskell scowls, meaning the idiots reporting on the radio. Huh! News people and their hired "Experts", advising the nation on Leslie's top secret research, when they don't know jack shit about it! He doesn't think for a moment that such a massive object is anything other than an actual spaceship.

"It's just a crazy hunch, but..."

Soon Arnie and Leslie are flying in a helicopter. Flying and flying hoping to see something on the surface of an Ocean that will show them where the massive spaceship went down. Soon they're low on gas and have to fly back to Mexico.

Meanwhile Dr. Eliot remains unconscious at a hospital where he's attended to by medical doctor, Albert Stern (Morris Ankrum: I WAKE UP SCREAMING, THE LOVES OF EDGAR ALLEN POE, ROCKETSHIP X-M, FLIGHT TO MARS, RED PLANET MARS, INVADERS FROM MARS, HALF HUMAN, EARTH VS. THE FLYING SAUCERS, ZOMBIES OF MORA TAU, GIANT FROM THE UNKNOWN, BEGINNING OF THE END, THE GIANT CLAW, CURSE OF THE FACELESS MAN, FROM THE EARTH TO THE MOON, TOWER OF LONDON, X: THE MAN WITH THE X-RAY EYES,).

"No, you go on into the ocean and swim. I'll wait here and see if the spacecraft attacks you."

In quick strokes, Leslie and Vera go for swim, Dr. Eliot wakes up in a hospital bed and realizes that he's himself, but he doesn't know for how long. A giant robot takes days to slowly rise from the ocean, Dr. Gaskell feels his suspicions are vindicated, but decides to warn nobody and just wait to see what happens. Dr. Eliot, in those moments when he's himself and not an alien, tries to warn everybody, but Dr. Stern thinks he's nuts and and describes a heavy course of shock treatments, which only seems to make things worse.

Because Dr. Eliot appears to get only worse, Dr. Stern increases the shock treatments.

Sheesh!

Vera, Leslie, and Arnie land a helicopter on the giant robot, which starts bifurcating. Alien Dr. Eliot has had all the shock treatments he's going to take and kills Dr. Stern. The giant robot goes on a rampage.

At last, more than halfway into the movie and we finally HAVE a movie!

Why the aliens are attacking us is beyond absurd, but that's never stopped a Hollywood SciFi Monster Thriller before (BATTLE: LOS ANGELES "cough! cough!" SKYLINE).

Directing this movie also didn't stop Kurt Neumann (THE UNKNOWN GUEST, ROCKETSHIP X-M, SHE DEVIL, THE FLY) or writers, Lawrence L. Goldman (THE SAGA OF THE VIKING WOMEN AND THEIR VOYAGE TO THE WATERS OF THE GREAT SEA SERPENT, WAR OF THE SATELLITES, THE 30 FOOT BRIDE OF CANDY ROCK) and Irving Block (FORBIDDEN PLANET, THE SAGA OF THE VIKING WOMEN AND THEIR VOYAGE TO THE BLAH BLAH BLAH!, WAR OF THE SATELLITES).

Block and Neumann hedged their bet by also being the Producers of this flick along with Jack Rabin (UNKNOWN WORLD, CAT-WOMEN OF THE MOON, WAR OF THE SATELLITES, THE ATOMIC SUBMARINE) and Special Effects Artist for this movie, Louis DeWitt (THE NIGHT OF THE HUNTER, VOODOO ISLAND, DAUGHTER OF DR. JEKYLL, THE INVISIBLE BOY, MACABRE, THE BEAST OF HOLLOW MOUNTAIN, PHAROAH'S CURSE, MONSTER FROM GREEN HELL, BACK FROM THE DEAD, THE UNKNOWN TERROR, THE SAGA OF THE VIKING WOMEN AND THEIR LONG-ASS MOVIE TITLE, THE GIANT BEHEMOTH, THE 30 FOOT BRIDE OF CANDY ROCK, THE ATOMIC SUBMARINE, MEN INTO SPACE [TV], THE PHANTOM PLANET).

Notice how many of these people have the same credits?

It doesn't stop with them. Many of the people who worked on this movie, from Composers Paul Sawtell and Bert Shefter to Cinematographer Karl Struss and more, this group was all like,

"Hey! We're making another movie! You onboard?"

And more often than not, the answer was,

"I'm available! Let's do it!"

These folks had their hits and they had their misses, but what a wonderful time they must have had while they were at it.

KRONOS is pure Mystery Science Theater 3000 material, but the concept remains sound even if the execution was not. This movie is Ripe for Remake

4 So Bad Its Good Negative Shriek Girls.

This review copyright 2025 E.C.McMullen Jr.

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