SPACE: 1999
MOVIE REVIEW

		Review by E.C.McMullen Jr.
SPACE: 1999 - 1975-1977 Group 3 / Incorporated Television Company (ITC) / RAI Radiotelevisione Italiana Created by Gerry Anderson and Sylvia Anderson. Starred Martin Landau and Barbara Bain Rated: N/A E.C. McMullen Jr.'s review and alternate history of the 1970s TV show, SPACE:1999.

In 1979, the nation of Canada, after decades of having watched their best, brightest, and savviest flee across the southern border for better opportunities in the U.S.A., took a good, honest, and (relatively) sober look at their ultra polite, non-confrontational culture and said,

"Gotta do sumpin', eh?"

So they sent their dullest (even by Canadian standards) pacifists to the far side of the moon – to build a base where no one on earth would ever have to look at them.

20 years later the incompetent boobs went and blew up their own god damn moon base, sending a large, rolling doughnut-sized fragment containing the remains of their entire colony, hurtling out into space.

Before losing radio contact, the colonists blamed the explosion on all the nuclear waste they were storing. Which fooled no one but flat-earthers, 9/11 Truufers, and their ilk.

There is a reason why they are called "spent fuel rods" and that's because they are SPENT!

Anyway, some Brits thought the whole disaster was a hoot and made this documentary called MOOSE IN SPACE, where the spaceships resembled Moose and the reoccurring villains flew in craft modeled after Canadian Geese.

It floated in Development Hell long after the hit American SciFi TV show it hoped to capitalize on, Lost In Space, was cancelled.

Then up popped a popular puppeteer who made TV shows about Maquettes In Space. Gerry Anderson and his wife, Silvia took over, made a last minute change to the title, and we wound up with, SPACE: 1999. Gerry and Silvia poo-poo'd the idea of Moose and mallard shaped spaceships as preposterous1. Besides which, they preferred chickens!

So the spaceships were redesigned to look like flying egg cartons protected by PVC pipe (how modern!) and for a touch of flair had an egg-shaped command module in front.

Actors Nick Tate, Barbara Bain, and Martin Landau, were all supposed to look gallant while flying around in these things.

Where on Moon did they get all the fuel from to fly, fight, land, and take off again from exotic planets in these redneck wrecks?

SHUT UP! That's where!

Yes, I actually bought and built this.
Hey! I was a kid! Shut up²!

This wasn't taxpayer funded BBC and investors were dubious that American audiences would cotton to eggs and chickens for heroes, even with modern plastic plumbing accoutrements, so the Andersons kept the look but called the spaceships "Eagles".

They still looked like eggs and egg cartons but let's not get hung up on minutia.

Eagle 1 used a command module look inspired by the Icarus from 1968's
THE PLANET OF THE APES
Only less ouchy, pointy and more blunty eggy.

However -

This was all before the great Space Time warp of 2000 created a new sack of alternate earths with parallel, merging, converging, and diverging time lines (Sheesh, what a clutter! My bad and I can't apologize enough for it2).

The upshot for us on this earth, is that the whole moonbase thing never happened, yet we still got a Thrilling TV show out of it from the mid-1970s (well, about as thrilling as competitive numerology).

In short...

Wibbly Wobbly Timey Wimey can get messy.

1 Even after they later discovered that a Canadian Goose is not a true mallard.

2 Originally the 1990s Star Wars Special Edition trilogy and the Star Wars Prequel trilogy also never happened – and still hasn't happened in most alt-timelines.

On most earths, George Lucas produced Star Wars: Rogue One, it was a smash hit, he did a worldwide press junket just to say, "Yeah, I still got it." and left it at that.

Disney never got hold of Lucasfilm and the Star Wars IP, so its clown car of CEOs had to content themselves with destroying all of their popular Pixar franchises, one by one, until all they had left was a Direct to Video sequel to Ratatouille, called Buzz Remoulade In Space (Disney didn't get Marvel either and in 2019 went into receivership while trying to form their own version of Stan Lee's MCU).

I am so, SO sorry!

END

Story by E.C. McMullen Jr.

Copyright 2014 E.C.McMullen Jr.

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