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Review by E.C. McMullen Jr. |
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TIME BANDITS- 1981UK Release: July 16, 1981 USA Release: Nov. 6, 1981 Handmade Films, AVCO Embassy Rating: USA: PG |
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Kevin (Craig Warnock) has about as mundane a life as you can imagine for a well-off child in 20th Century England.
His Father (David Daker: DOCTOR WHO [TV 1973-1979], I BOUGHT A VAMPIRE MOTORCYCLE) and Mother (Sheila Fearn), barely notice him, barely notice each other, except for their mild middle-class bickering of keeping up with the neighbors: all over the latest humdrum technology as they watch TV every night until they are tired enough to go to bed.
Their only interest in life is making sure they have what their neighbor has - whether they want it or not: their identities are tied to "appearances".
Kevin on the other hand, loves doing his homework, which his parents want him to do, yet are vaguely off-put by the fact that Kevin enjoys it. Kevin can't get enough of homework and lives a rich inner fantasy life as he explores books on ancient history. His toys, scattered about his bedroom floor as you would expect of a 10-year old boy, reflects this.
Kevin would love to share his interests and enthusiasm with his parents, but they don't care for their child or his life. Kevin is merely an object they keep because that's what their peers expect of a married couple of their age and their position.
All the married couples are doing it.
Because his parents are unloving and uninteresting, Kevin's life is boring, which makes learning about people who had far more exciting lives than his, exciting by proxy.
Because this movie was written by Monty Python alumni, Michael Palin and Terry Gilliam, Kevin's life is about to get a lot more exciting and it all starts when a knight on horseback bursts from his closet one night and plows through the opposite wall.
Kevin is agog as anyone would be, yet in a blink his closet is just fine and, when he inspects the wall the horse crashed through, there is only a picture of a knight on horseback.
Did he fall asleep while reading and merely dream it?
No, because his father bursts in through his bedroom door demanding to know what the hell all the noise was about.
Kevin has no idea but if his parents heard it too, then...
The next day Kevin can't wait to return home from school, finish his nightly ritual of eating dinner, waiting for his food to settle, so he can go right to bed.
Armed with his satchel, some food, a flashlight, and his Polaroid Instant Camera, Kevin waits for... what he has no idea. But if anything comes out of his closet again, he's going to get a photo and maybe follow the whoever to wherever!
So Kevin waits. And waits. And falls asleep. Something in his closet stirs, which wakes Kevin. Eyes accustomed to the dark, Kevin sees his closet door open and small people - his own size but clearly older, come tumbling out.
Not sure if he's awake, Kevin shines his flashlight on them with disastrous results. Suddenly panicked, one fires a gun in the air and they all cram themselves into a corner of the room, apologizing profusely. But as soon as Kevin questions them in his natural child voice, they realize their case of mistaken identity and flip to threatening. Dog piling on him they see that Kevin is only a boy and not whatever they were afraid of.
Just as things look grim for Kevin, the wall they have him pushed up against shifts and moves back.
Kevin: "It's never done that before!"
"We've found it!" one cries. But what the hell have they found? We don't get a chance to ask before a bright white light shines out of Kevin's closet and an echoey, baritone voice tells everyone to
TRIVIA Michael Palin, Ian Holm, Katherine Helmond, Peter Vaughan, Jim Broadbent, Jack Purvis, and Charles McKeown all appeared in BRAZIL (1985). Troubles in Time TIME BANDITS was the second successful movie pitch that Terry Gilliam and Michael Palin made to Chief investor and producer, George Harrison. The first being The Life of Brian, for which Harrison's company Handmade Films, was created. Life of Brian had all of the controversy that the major studios expected, but it also gained the box office clout that the studios never expected. With such a successful first venture for his fledgling company, George liked the idea that TIME BANDITS would be a movie starring members of Monty Python, without being an actual Monty Python movie. As before when no studio would touch Life of Brian, none would touch TIME BANDITS. George and his business partner, Denis O'Brien loved Terry's physically animated pitch to the point where once again, they "Want to see this movie!" Palin and Gilliam were convinced that they had sold their vision and set about polishing the script and into pre-production we go! However... |
"STOP!"
The behavior of the little men flips again and they all heave against the wall, pushing it further back. Kevin's bedroom wall is being pushed down an ever lengthening tunnel, much farther than is possible in his little house. A huge and disembodied head comes out of the closet, demanding that they
"Return The Map You Stole From Me!"
Kevin doesn't know what to do but the little men, still trying to escape, implore Kevin to run, which he does with the giant head in hot pursuit.
The wall unexpectedly flies out into space and Kevin and the little men go falling into the abyss.
Thus begins Kevin's adventures with the Time Bandits.
Okay, so they fall into the abyss. Then what? Then a dark rectangle or "door" opens in the sky and everyone except the Supreme Being falls out of it, landing on a chicken coop.
It's here that Randall takes a head count and we learn everyone's name.
In the Old Testament, where the Supreme Being...
Kevin: "You mean God?"
Fidget: "Well we don't know him that well."
is saying "We" and "Let us" all the time, he's referring to his many assistants like,
Randall (David Rappaport: MYSTERIES, THE BRIDE),
Fidget (Kenny Baker: FLASH GORDON, THE ELEPHANT MAN, LABYRINTH, but best known as R2 D2 in Star Wars),
Wally (Jack Purvis: THE DARK CRYSTAL, BRAZIL, LABYRINTH, and played a Jawa in Star Wars),
Strutter (Malcom Dixon: FLASH GORDON, THE DARK CRYSTAL, LABYRINTH, and played on Ewok in Star Wars: Return of the Jedi),
Og (Mike Edmonds: FLASH GORDON, THE DARK CRYSTAL, WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT, played Logray in Star Wars: Return of the Jedi and the dancer and backup singer in the Men Without Hats music video, Safety Dance), and
Vermin (Tiny Ross: FLASH GORDON).
We also learn that the bandits have landed in Kevin's past during France and Italy's Battle of Castiglione.
The French, under the command of Napoleon Bonaparte (Ian Holm: JUGGERNAUT, ALIEN, BRAZIL, KAFKA, NAKED LUNCH, BLUE ICE, MARY SHELLEY'S FRANKENSTEIN, THE FIFTH ELEMENT, eXistenZ, BLESS THE CHILD, FROM HELL, THE LORD OF THE RINGS [all], THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW, THE HOBBIT), are victorious but Napoleon is miffed. Everywhere he goes he wins. Oh boy, the leaders of Castiglione are ready to surrender. Isn't there anything fun to do in this city? Castiglione is supposed to be a fun town (which it may have been before Napoleon shelled it to rubble).
As random and accidental as it all seems, everything is more or less going according to plan. You see, these Time Bandits were there at the Dawn of Creation. It was a rush job, the universe is far from perfect, and they have a map that reveals all of the unfinished holes in time and space.
Holy crap! What can they do with such an extraordinary map? Well of all the things they could do - like fixing those holes per their job description - what they are going to do is travel through history robbing and stealing everything they can get their hands on, then go back in time before the robbery took place, or so far forward into time that their victims are centuries dead. Let's see a court of law do something about that! Whole country likely doesn't exist any more.
It must have been fate that brought them to Kevin, because he knows so much about history and, because of his height, he fits right in! He won't draw attention! Well, anymore attention than a roving band of little men are going to attract anyway.
You'd think that vacationing through history would be the perfect life for Kevin, but he gets frustrated with it all in short time.
You know how it is with those cheap tour packages?
You spend years working hard, saving up for it, dreaming about it, but when you're actually with the group, you barely have time to wake up and finish breakfast before you're rushing through a museum. Then it's 80 klicks away for lunch near a coliseum, but be quick about it because it's all back on the bus and 60 kilometers over there to stare at a famous copse of trees before its back on the bus again.
It's hot, it's miserable, its dirty, and Kevin never gets to stay long enough in any one place to actually enjoy it.
It seems that time travelers can never find the time to spend much time anywhere!
Yes, all would be swell for everyone but Kevin if they only didn't have to keep on the move. The enemy they know about, the Supreme Being (Ralph Richardson: THE GHOUL [1933], FRIDAY THE 13th [1933], THE RETURN OF BULLDOG DRUMMOND, H.G. Wells THINGS TO COME, WHOEVER SLEW AUNTIE ROO?, TALES FROM THE CRYPT [1972], FRANKENSTEIN: THE TRUE STORY, ROLLERBALL, WATERSHIP DOWN, DRAGONSLAYER), is never far behind.
Worse for the bandits is, they have no idea that Supreme Evil, aka Evil Genius, though trapped in Hell, is watching them (David Warner: FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE, THE OMEN [1976], NIGHTWING, TRON, THE MAN WITH TWO BRAINS, FRANKENSTEIN [1984], THE COMPANY OF WOLVES, WAXWORK, PULSE POUNDERS, STAR TREK V, GRAVE SECRETS, TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES II, CAST A DEADLY SPELL, STAR TREK VI, THE LOST WORLD [all], THE UNNAMEABLE II, H.P. LOVECRAFT'S NECRONOMICON, IN THE MOUTH OF MADNESS, ICE CREAM MAN, PRIVATEER 2: THE DARKENING, SCREAM 2, PLANET OF THE APES [2001], Whew! Exhaustive list but suffice to say, David Warner was an icon of Horror movies). He can't actually physically touch them, so he needs to use what power he has to influence them, entice them to come to him.
Why?
Because Evil believes that their fantastic map will allow him to break out of the prison that the Supreme Being put him in and then he can... Rule all of Creation!
To this day, Terry Gilliam's TIME BANDITS remains a fun and heartfelt movie, with drop dead performances by Sean Connery, John Cleese, Katherine Helmond, Peter Vaughn, and the forever reincarnated and much put upon throughout the centuries, star crossed lovers of Vincent (Michael Palin) and Patsy (Shelley Duvall).
All Five Shriek Girls.
This review copyright 2022 E.C.McMullen Jr.
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